尺有所短 寸有所長啊

有時候 很多話 不知該怎麼說
有時候 會覺得 即使不說話 對方也應該明白我的心意
不過原來這些有時候 並不是每個人都適用

說話很累 也太用腦了
我不善於交際並不是什麼新鮮事了
我慢熱 再加上不善於表達
所以常常會讓人誤會

與其說話 我比較享受聆聽
聆聽其他人的故事 聆聽身邊重要的人的一切
好笑的就一起笑 不好笑的 好吧 或許我會翻一下白眼 哈哈

不過當然 並不是所有人事物我都會用心聆聽
我在乎的 我重視的 我覺得值得的 我才會用心聆聽
偶爾會心疼 偶爾會替人覺得不值 偶爾也會出口說幾句我個人覺得適當但他人卻翻我白眼的話
我覺得適當 當然有我的理由 但是若要我解釋 我卻懶惰了
所以其實 我的用意還真不容易明白理解
But then, whatever.

開玩笑的話 無釐頭的話 若我心情好 若我剛好在那個mood 我或許會配合幾句
但多數的我 真的覺得實在是太累了
我不想把心思把感情過份投入進去 哪怕是愛情友情還是什麼情
之前entertain多了 投入太多 結果最後發生的事情往往都是讓我再次對人性對人類失去信心

我對自己其實也沒信心
我知道 每個人都有每個人的特別之處
我也知道 we live with a purpose waiting to be given back to this world
我只是還沒發現我存在的意義 我還在慢慢探索發掘當中
所以請原諒我偶爾的自卑或讓人覺得很想一巴掃過來的想法或舉動

還有 其實我不堅強
或者該說 我本來不堅強 但卻被生活逼得不得不堅強起來
看起來或許不怎麼care不怎麼會被影響 但是其實我內心脆弱得我自己都開始瞧不起我自己了
我很善於替其他人為他們的行為舉止找藉口找理由 為的只是暫時能夠欺騙自己 然後當作什麼事都沒發生
這是我生存之道 也是我無形中學到的東西
或許是歪理 或許是愚笨之法
But then again, whatever.

每個人都有黑暗懦弱的一面
只是看我們承不承認也能不能夠去面對而已



畢竟 我們都只是人類。

衰機記

今天起飛叻
但是 不知道是巧合還是什麼
昨晚竟然發噩夢

夢見我趕不上飛機
原因竟然是TVD裡的情節
車子開著開著 經過了很陌生的路
然後碰 突然間的 我們到了很奇怪的地方
好像是時光倒流 回到了我小時候的時間點

我們忙著找出路 卻只不斷繞回同一個原點
之後登機時間過了 飛機起飛了 我們還在那個時光隧道裏
再之後 絕望之際 我就嚇醒了
所以 我現在很早就到了機場 為的是不讓夢靈驗

其實這次這趟短行 真的還蠻不順利的
之前要買機票去SBZ 填了五次資料 付了三次款 才能夠訂到票
然後要買回家的機票時 填好了付了款 system裡卻沒有我的記錄
害我得打好幾通電話 發了好幾封email去settle
總之 真的太衰了

唉 希望等一下能夠順順利利的啦
不要毀了我難得的假期才好
>.<

有時候 短短的三個字
就足以毀掉你本來很好很好的心情。


算了吧。

只是发牢骚........................................

第四年了

还真TM的累 

每一天早上8.15就得到学校 然后一进clinic 就是忙到下午五点了 

有时候遇到麻烦的case，不会帮忙的Dr 还得自己settle 还得加班 牺牲午休时间 再不然就得拖到五点多 然后回到家还得准备下一次appointment的东西

每一天日复一日的生活 也开始慢慢觉得厌倦了

好吧 算不上日复一日吧 

偶尔 每逢星期一星期五还得上完clinic后就去上课 若很庆幸的下午没课或没clinic 还得拖着不情愿的身子来学校 进lab弄denture

所以基本上每一天都是non stop的

好不容易熬到周末了 结果却得“努力”温书

因为若不读书 那下次的appointment就等着被看笑话吧

自开课以来 身心都渐渐进入非常疲惫的状态

两年后 毕业了 我真的无法想象那种朝九晚五 回到家还得赶paperwork的生活

 在外行眼里 我们这一行业很赚钱 而且也只不过是9-5的生活

其实他们都不懂 那种累 其实和其他行业一样 都是非常无敌地累的的的的的

还有 其实 我也不知道我在写什么 

本人此刻的脑袋处于当机的状况

好想睡觉 但是明天的border moulding 我还没有温习！

Uncle, 我可以cancel appointment吗？？？？

/_\

Be a Role Model to earn respect

If you want people to listen to you,
please, fucking please be a role model, will you?

Stop, and don't say it out if you can't fucking act on it.
Everytime you asked us to do something, I'll feel disgusted, seriously.
It's not because of I am unwilling to do it, but your attitude and action make me feel like you don't deserve the respect.

I wanted to respect you, I really wanted to.
But, somehow, what you did all these years don't really make me look upon you.

I keep telling myself all the while that I won't ever be someone like you when I grown up.
And yes, I still feel the same even when I am already 23.

So sorry but I just can't help to feel so.
Period.

Live the present and worry the unknown later

Had a casual chat with my secondary school friend this afternoon
We talked about her work and also life after graduation
And then we came to the topic of certain islands which are going to sink soon

I told her that Im so gonna visit Venice after my graduation coz it is going to sink real soon
Unexpectedly, she gave me the expression "rolling eyes" and told me that Maldives will sink even sooner than Venice, which is in 5-7 years time from what she had heard
I doubt her words and hence I did some research through Googling and guess what I found?

I found out that not only Venice nor Maldives that are having the risk of sinking
There are many others islands or cities which we are very familiar with that are also facing the risk of sinking!
For instance, Soloman island, Bangkok, New York, Shanghai, New Orleans and etc

These islands or cities are said to sink in future mainly due to the rise in sea level and erosion of beaches
All these are because of what we human had and have done
We are the one to be blame because we are the one that used up natural sources by mining, chopping down vast amount of forests and kept emitting greenhouse gases which have a serious effect on the climate
Increase in climate temperature will lead to melting of ice and hence increase sea level which in turn cause many islands and low grounds to flood or being immersed with sea water

According to the articles that I read, if such condition does not improve and no action has been taken, then the rate of those islands sinking will be accelerated
From the statistics given in those articles, the current increase of sea level is approximately 2mm per year
If the condition worsen, this rate might double up causing a rapid increase to 4mm per year

I certainly do not wish such disaster to happen but what can be done?
Such global warming issues have long been discussed and warned by the experts
Is it too late to start acting on it? Or there are chances to halt such progression?
Well, from what I have witnessed, many are currently trying to raise awareness on this issues especially after our Mother Nature has fighted back by Tsunamis, floods, ice cubes rain, snows in certain places which have no such history before and etc

Movies such as 'The Day After Tomorrow' and 'Tsunami' came to my mind once I imagine what our future will be
And that was really really scary especially when I came to realise that I have no hard foundation in swimming
What will happen if such day does really come?
I certainly do not wish to die by drowning! What a terrible and suffering way to die that way lol

The thought of drowning makes me stand firmer on my decision to go for a swimming course
However, the thought of taking up a swimming course came first when I was planning to go for a diving course
Did some research on diving last time and found out that they require us to have a basic foundation in swimming and hence lead to my decision to go for a swimming course
But there's a small problem which makes me kind of reluctant to go for it
Today's findings has actually gives me a strong determination to really go for what I want and fear of
So... Yeah, I have made up my mind for that!

Anyhow, whether the day I fear will come, or not, still I need to live the day as how I should be living
Worry about the future later, live the present to the fullest and at the same time keep improving myself so that when the predictable or unpredictable comes, I have the ability to face and overcome it
Even if it really happens one day, it 's our fate and that is all the more reason for us to appreciate what we have while we have it, no?

我不是真正的快樂嗎？

並不是第一次聽到這首歌
但卻是第一次認真注意它的歌詞
這歌詞 真的深深切切真真實實地說中了我心聲 或者該說..我的現況

這首歌 讓我無法不回憶起曾經的點點滴滴
關於她的點滴 我以為我早就忘了
我以為我已經不恨了 不愛了 不再在乎了
但是 事實好像卻是相反的

我承認 我偶爾真的會很犯賤地拿朋友的手機關注她的近況
我承認 我偶爾看見神似她的人 我的心還是會漏了一拍 我的眼神還是會離不開她 雖然那個她只是很像她
我也承認 看見她男朋友我還是會有很想上前揍他一頓的衝動
但是 我真的以為 我已經沒事了

一直以來都只是在自欺欺人
還是這一切只是錯覺 又或者是正常的
說真的 我也無法明了

分手後 曾經墮落了好一陣子
但在那之後 也很努力地在尋找着從前的自己
也一直告訴自己一定要變得更好更強更讓她覺得我更優秀了
一直不斷地努力想要提升自己
也很努力地想讓日子過得很快樂
但 突然之間發現 這一切好像只是假象

不想讓身邊的人知道或發現我的難過
所以都只會配合地笑 配合地玩
雖然 有時候 還是會被朋友發現我的不正常
沒辦法 我從來就不是一個好演員
所有表情都會寫在臉上 想遮掩也遮不到

一年一年過去了 的確有所改變
朋友似乎變少了
話也不多了
心也不再容易動心了

大家都說只要時間對了 就會遇到那個對的人
但是 對我而言 我好像還在履行着那個諾言
或許真正的解放是在3年多4年後吧
只希望日子快點過 讓我早點知道結果 然後死了心





看來 那首歌真的講中了
我的傷真的只是不肯完全的癒合
死犯賤！

義。

幾乎忘了這個blog的存在
早就習慣了所有事情自己吞 所有不開心自己熬
一直認為 不可以讓別人看見自己的軟弱
所以面對人的時候 多數都是好強又沈默不語的自己
總覺得 少說話 就能夠少暴露自己的脆弱

朋友 兩字 看似簡單 其實一點都不簡單
朋友其實可以分很多種 但卻都不是因認識的時間的長久而定的
有者你認識了好一段時間了 其實卻在你需要幫忙時 義字消失得無影無終
有者你雖然只認識了不長的時間 在你需要幫忙時 肯定義字當頭 肯定拍拍胸膛替你解決一切

所以說 朋友真的是需要經過種種考驗
才能夠知道誰其實是真心的 誰才是值得一交的
自認待朋友不錯 若遇見了覺得是真心的 我肯定兩肋插刀 上刀山 下火海 也在所不辭
如果遇見了我很喜歡交的朋友 覺得很夠朋友 又常常讓我因為一些看似微不足道的小事而感動
我必定會銘記于心 並且真誠的把心交出來

很幸遇地 雖然只是屈指可數 卻也讓我遇見了幾位那樣的朋友
但也很不幸運地 另一些確確實實地讓我失望了

無論如何 好的 我會銘記于心
壞的 雖然會選擇忘記 但從此卻也失去了重要朋友的位置



最後 想對號入座的 請自便
I don't care anymore。